POLITICS: THE ANGRY KIWI

New Zealand has the reputation of being something of a paradise, a veritable Middle Earth at the bottom of the world. A clean, green South Pacific haven for billionaires to build end-of-the-world bolt holes, not realizing that if things go tits up (and let's be honest, if things do go south, it'll probably be because of them), they'll be stranded here with us kiwis who know where they've buried the survival bunkers. 

But I digress. Point is, trouble is brewing in the Land of the Long White Cloud.

On being elected last year, the National Party led coalition government saw the pandemic as an opportunity to go in hard with ideological hobnail boots. They've kicked the crap out of their usual victims; healthcare workers, teachers, public service workers, the poors, Maori, primarily to indulge in their favorite drug habit - tax cuts. Tax cuts that require billions more borrowing and which for most kiwis (excepting landlords who enjoyed billions in tax rebates, which frankly looks a lot like payback for the property sector), have evaporated like a fart in the cost-of-living gale kiwis are experiencing daily. 

At the year's start, our hapless prime minister Chris Luxon, ex Air New Zealand CEO and follicly challenged, put it about that he was 'laser focused' on the cost of living. Unfortunately the cost of living continues to bite like a cold wind from Antarctica, aimed straight up kiwi fundaments.

Our supermarkets, owned by two Australian interests, continue to squeeze as much as they can out of us, while lobbying against any change to the status quo. Power companies are getting in on the act, making record payouts to shareholders while massively increasing the bills that everyone and their Gran have to pay if they want to keep warm and keep the lights on. The greed is even causing some business types to complain that it's impeding industry, so you know it's serious. 

NZ's a dairy producing nation that sends enough food overseas to feed four to five times our population, yet dairy products on the shelves here are priced as premium luxury products - something which our largest dairy company Fonterra even had the nerve to suggest was how we should think about a block of butter now. When called out on this, they promptly pointed the finger at supermarkets. The supermarkets pointed at the suppliers. The Finance Minister pointed somewhere off to the left so as not to cause offense and (quelle horreur!), distort the market. 'No, Sam. I can't remember the taste of butter', said Frodo on the slopes of Mount Doom. 

The job market is flat, hundreds often apply for a single position. In response, the government has made receiving financial assistance harder, more Kafkaesque and detrimental to the applicant's mental health. Because, you know, they're just bludgers. On being told job seekers were struggling, the PM's advice was they should 'go where the jobs are'. Unfortunately this was not long after emigration was reported to be reaching record levels. And it seems our young people (and the skilled made redundant through cuts and closures), heard Chris's sage advice and as suggested are going to where the jobs are. Which is mostly in Sydney, unfortunately.

Point of it is, it's no longer Aotearoa; Land of the Long White Cloud. Now it's the Land of the Long White Gouge and kiwis are angry.

While you're at it, check out the Angry Kiwi Protest Hoodie;

Angry Kiwi Hoodie

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MEMORIES: WHEN VALVE MADE GAMES

Member that? I member that. When rather than just squatting on their enormous profits like a spider at the center of a web packed with fly carcasses, they made terrific single player games that everyone wanted to play and advanced the art. 

And they had some great tunes.

Still Alive

Want You Gone

Madjack Tees SuperStore

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SPACE: 3I/ATLAS NEWSFLASH

New image of 3I/Atlas (source: NASA)

BREAKING NEWS: In a shock development, NASA has released new images of 3I/Atlas - the extrasolar comet currently approaching Mars. Taken with the James Webb Space Telescope, the object appears to resemble SpongeBob SquarePants character; Patrick Star. 

Scientists are baffled but prominent religious leaders have warned of a coming SpongeBob apocalypse. In response, NASA has announced a program to search for other SpongeBob characters that may be on the way. Said António Guterres, Secretary-General of the United Nations; 'if we find Squidward approaching it could be very serious indeed'. World leaders meanwhile continue to plead for calm in the face of global unrest.

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SUPERMARKETS: SUPER SNARKERY

Warning: the following contains explicit strawman abuse drizzled with copious snark. Reader caution is advised.

It's not much contested that we kiwis are being royally shafted by the supermarkets when it comes to the weekly shop. The Commerce Commission concluded not so long ago that the supermarkets were pulling in excess profit of a million dollars per day. Per. Fucking. Day. And this out of a country of just five million people.

So someone recently posted on Reddit the question of whether NZ should have state owned supermarkets. I don't know either way myself, but of course this triggered some of the more staunch supporters of capitalism, the free market and by extension, the status quo. One fellow in particular replied;

Supermarkets are a low margin business. There is no supermarket fatcat tycoon getting insanely rich off you idiots. If you think there is then I have a bridge to sell you.

Supermarket prices go up because they are passing on the higher cost to them of food, wages, power, water, so on and so forth.

This frankly, ticked me off. A quick look at the fellow's postings and his comments about first class air travel, his BMW and photos of the expensive watch he'd treated himself, indicated he was doing quite well, thank you very much. Good for him. But a lot of kiwis aren't and the cost of food is a major component of their struggle.

So I went super snark mode and replied;

I wholeheartedly agree. These damned peasants always complaining about the price of food and whatnot.

Why, just last year the Commerce Commission reported the supermarkets were making excess profit of one million a day. Well, I was discussing this in the lounge while waiting for my flight back to the States. First class of course, there has to be benefits to being 'wealthy and sorted'. And good on Christopher for coming up with that belter. Lovely fellow, totally misunderstood. Anyway, we all agreed it was absolute nonsense - particularly the Foodstuffs exec who happened to be on my flight. He fair waxed lyrical about the unfairness of it all.

I mean everyone knows the supermarkets are just passing on costs. Oh they may play a little hard ball with their suppliers and prices are higher than the OECD average, but that's just business. I'd even go so far as to say they're struggling. Damned impudence to even complain, really.

Anyway, must fly - the wife's asking what I'd like for dinner; the smoked salmon or venison steaks. Life is full of such difficult decisions it seems. Toodleloo!

To which guy replied;

Please let us all know who the supermarket tycoon ala Nick Mowbray is. Oh you can't? Thought not.

Just because a bunch of Americans in New York are morons doesn't mean New Zealanders need to be. 

I assume the mention of New York is around Zohran Mamdani, the Democratic candidate for mayor of New York City, who has also said similar things about supermarkets and scared the local fat cats. It triggered the fat fuck below enough that he appeared on Fox News, warning of the apocalypse if democracy didn't give him the result he wanted.

Gristedes grocery chain CEO John Catsimatidis. 

Nick Mowbray meanwhile, is an NZ businessman who (along with his brother), made a fortune selling toys in China. Not sure what that has to do with supermarkets ripping us off. Anyway, I replied;

Yes - dashed rum business in New York. Man's practically a foreigner, if not an actual communist. Sort of fellow you'd cross the road to avoid. Hopefully common sense will prevail and he'll be sent packing. Can't allow that sort of thing to spread, you know?

As to your point about that fine fellow Nick Mowbray, I couldn't agree more! It's not like owning a supermarket gets you on the rich list nowadays. Times are tough! You have to have a side gig. I know one chap who owns a PaknSave and a stud farm, and he's still only a millionaire. Practically on the bones of his arse.

But you know the chattering classes. Always complaining about something. Well let them eat cake, I say.

Just between you and me though, having a duopoly really has been key in sorting out NZ as a nice little earner, even if the place is only the size of an Aussie postage stamp. Well done to all involved, lobbyists and politicians alike. Long may it continue! Raise prices even higher if the proles start to squeal. That'll teach the rotters!

Anyway, all this talk of cake has made me peckish and I believe the wife has a nice gateau hidden somewhere. I'm off to sniff out a slice. Toodlepip!

Guy was not impressed and accused me of using AI to whip up my batches of spicy snark. The nerve!

ChatGPT?

Didn't get a look in, old chum. Not an inch of it. This is homegrown snark - country snark, if you will - cultivated in the rich fertilizer of your original comment. Collected fresh, it has been cleaned, lightly sautéed and artfully arranged on a fine china plate, ready to be enjoyed with a sprig of parsley and a tasty glass of Riesling.

But all this talk of manure has reminded me; I'm almost out of truffles! Must fire up the trusty BMW and go restock. 

Toodlepip and tallyho!

Madjack Tees SuperStore

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THIS POD LIFE: BOTHIE MADNESS!

A bothie is a shelter in a remote location in Scotland and Northern England that's unlocked and free to use for hikers to take a rest or even stay the night. Typically called tramping huts elsewhere, bothies are often old repurposed workers cottages, usually unfurnished except perhaps for sleeping benches, a fireplace and if you're lucky, a wood stove. If you're extra lucky the toilet's an outside dunny, but more likely behind that tree over there (make sure it's a good distance away though).

As they are open to the public you can never be sure someone else might not turn up if you're staying in one. But as bothies are out in the wilds, far from cities and typically only accessible by foot, odds are it'll not be an escaped prisoner convicted of multiple counts of murder, but another tramper. 

I've not been in one, but I've been watching videos of people staying the night at a bothie, and so I thought I'd try my hand at a bothie design.

Snug as a Bug in a Bothie Mug

Snug as a Bug in a Bothie Tee (Amazon)

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SCHOOL LUNCHES: CHRIS & GORDON, KITCHEN DRAMA!!

 

In which Gordon Ramsey is slightly nonplussed over the quality of school lunches being served to kiwi kids. 

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