THIS POD LIFE


Note: PoD stands for 'Print on Demand'
i.e. selling tees, stickers and coffee mugs n' shit, on the net.

SPACE: THE SURPRISING FUTURE OF SPACE TRAVEL

The Artemis program is an ongoing crewed spaceflight program carried out predominantly by NASA. Here's how well that'll turn out:
Firstly, NASA will cancel the Artemis program because that's what Congress does when it comes to manned spaceflight. Sorry, but you don't have to be a NASA engineer to know that's the case.
Elon Musk will suffer a breakdown exacerbated by un-diagnosed bipolar disorder and a burst blood vessel in his right eye. The first sign that something is wrong is when he begins wearing an eye patch and insisting that each rocket launch be paused at the one minute mark so he can urinate on the rocket as 'a golden offering to the gods of rocketry'. Musk will be forced to step down from managing Starship construction in order to 'spend more time with his family'. He and Grimes get divorced three months later when she finally realizes how insufferable he is.
Musk then becomes obsessed with Marvel's Dr Strange, grows a beard and disappears into an Indian Monastery. He does not gain magical powers but is instead murdered in a New Delhi back-alley for his Rolex.
Conspiracy theorists have a field day. Progress on Starship falters. After several spectacular test failures (including one that sinks a yacht), and Blue Origin's greater visibility in the market, SpaceX management cancels the program. SpaceX focuses instead on the tried and trusted Falcon line of rockets as their core business and thus begin their slide into mediocrity. They are eventually bought out by Boeing and Boca Chica is quietly mothballed.

Bezos drops his trousers in a Tweet and proudly displays his testicles.
Conspiracy theorists hold a three day wine and cheese festival.
The US Space Force becomes the biggest customer for private enterprise launch systems. Space Force begins to ring the planet with spy satellites. An outcry is raised when it's revealed that the satellites also carry weapons and that are capable of hitting ground targets anywhere around the globe. The President (Donald Trump Jr), then gives a speech in which he admits it was a mistake not to inform the public, but emphasizes the importance of holding the 'high ground' in order to keep America safe and that the rest of the world can 'suck it' (actual words). The American electorate cheers and goes back to sleep while the rest of the world continues to be extremely pissed off at American weapons crisscrossing their night skies.
Conspiracy theorists hold their own week long bread and circuses event complete with gladiatorial games. The planet is soon ringed by Russian, US, Indian and Chinese satellites all sporting weaponry. Satellites start mysteriously but absolutely accidentally coming apart in orbit. The resultant orbiting debris fields make launches even more hazardous. There is a moon-base, but the small Chinese structure loses pressure after three days, suffocating its inhabitants. The Chinese keep mum about it for six months.
Conspiracy theorists invade a small country and set up their own government. A diplomatic mission from a nearby alien civilization on seeing the state of affairs on earth, decide to turn around and delay contact for another thousand years.
Conspiracy theorists remain unaware of this. On the 65th anniversary of man walking on the moon, NASA announces plans to tender for a new launch system capable of reaching the Moon. Boeing's tender - which will cost billions - is a front-runner. A new Greek god's name is chosen for the project, many hopeful YouTube videos are made and the cycle starts again.

Conspiracy theorists suspect there's more to the story than they're being told.


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