SPACE: ELON MUSK AND THE QUEST FOR THE INTERPLANETARY HOT SHOWER

Shock revelations today from an ex-SpaceX employee who claims to have worked closely with Elon Musk on the Starship program. 

According to the source, Musk's Boca Chica facility is not a rocket production facility, but instead a heavily disguised hot water cylinder production center.

'They're disguising it by making these things fly, but the real goal is for Elon to be take be able to a long hot shower when he's down here in Boca Chica, anywhere on-site. He's obsessed with getting the perfect hot shower on-the-go, it's all he talks about.'

In pursuit of this goal, September 3 saw another 150m 'hop' by a Starship prototype. According to the source, although it appeared to be a spectacular rocket test, what wasn't shown was Elon taking a hot shower underneath the prototype shortly afterwards.

'People are calling it a rocket,' said the source when interviewed at a local bar, 'but just look at it, it's obviously a hot water cylinder. They all are.'

Musk himself is reported to have said; 'there's...there's a lot, ah, a lot of problems, engineering problems I should say, with getting just the right amount of flow when you're taking a shower. It's not..ah..I would say, an easy to do thing...there's a lot of work involved. Ah...nozzle.'

As part of his quest for the perfect shower, Musk has reportedly determined mobility will be key; 'Imagine you're anywhere in the world..say ah, darkest Peru..and you can't get a hot shower. We will have a fleet of orbiting hot water cylinders and you can call one down to you and provide that service.' 

But Musk has much larger plans than an orbital fleet of on-demand hot water cylinders.

'I can take a hot shower at my home, but what if I wanted to take a shower on the moon? I can't do that right now and ah, NASA are being total dicks about it. So that's what the Starship will be for - interplanetary mobile hot water cylinders. The fact that they can carry people and cargo is good, but the real goal is that I can get a hot shower anywhere - but don't tell NASA I said that. Nozzle.'

At present, Musk has not responded to these claims, but when asked about Mars, he has publicly stated; 'If I could take a hot shower on Mars, I would die happy. Raptor.'