STAR WARS: THE NEW OLD ONES

Ok, so because I don't want to write about the coronavirus thing, I thought I'd do a quick precis of the Disney Star Wars films because they're so last year and so why not? Anyway, here's my HOT TAKE, fresh out of the oven;

The Force Awakens: in which Abrams mystery hot-boxes Star Wars and resets everything back to ANH. Unfortunately this renders the original movies and characters pointless and sad. JJ refuses to explain anything.JJ throws +40 years pop culture icon Han Solo down a hole, is forgotten about ten minutes later. And Disney wonders why people aren't as interested in the franchise as they'd hoped. Bonus: Millennium Falcon becomes available on Uber for Rey and her friends..

The Last Jedi: in which director Rian Johnson murders everyone because it defies expectations - and then laughs about it.
Murders beloved character General Ackbar off-screen. Murders Luke Skywalker. Tries to murder Leia, but loses his bottle and fakes out the audience instead. Ha, ha.
Resistance is so murdered, they're down to ~25 members by end of film. Throws next film's director under a bus in apparent murder attempt.
Bonus: Rian's first commercial hit (Looper), was about subverting audience expectations and murder and after TLJ, his next film was also about subverting audience expectations and murder because who'd have guessed? Not Disney apparently when they hired him.

Rise Of Skywalker: in which Abrams says 'fuck it', ignores Rian's murder spree and throws a metric shit ton of bullshit - including the long dead Palpatine (spoiler) - at the screen in the hopes of obscuring said screen. Is not very successful.

Main character Rey takes everything from Luke Skywalker, including his call-sign and as a final 'fuck-you Luke', even his name and property in the final scene.
Bonus: after finally exhausting his Star Wars nostalgia supply, Abrams retires to hibernate in a burrow made from a mountain of Disney cash, varnished to a high sheen by salty fanboi tears.
World sighs in relief the films are finally over - looks forwards to season 2 of the Mandalorian (Oct 30th, 2020 btw).

<admission: I haven't seen RoS and have no interest in doing so. JJ Abram's movies are like Youtube action highlight videos with a little bit of connective story thrown in. So that's how I've checked out his latest floater; exclusively on YouTube. I don't need to submit myself to the whole 2 hour 22 minutes ordeal - I've got better things to do.)