Thursday, July 23, 2026

NASA: OLD COLOGNE REPACKAGED

Bullshit.

I recently watched a video in which two American space enthusiasts once again predicted a glorious future full of moon bases and space stations, 2001 style. 

They reminded me of the same energy space enthusiasts had during the Apollo launches all those decades ago, appearing on TV and eagerly conjuring up moon bases and gigantic space stations, egged on by fantastical NASA paintings. And what happened? Cancelled to save money and in part, help with military funding for a war. Sound familiar? 

Likewise the current pipe dreams I doubt are going to happen. While NASA may launch a few more stupendously expensive rockets, private enterprise has yet to break out of low Earth orbit (and may never do so despite promises made by increasingly erratic Ketamine fueled billionaires). China may get a small outpost established for a time, but like pundits in the Phoney War expecting a negotiated peace rather than WW2, grognard space enthusiasts - though they may be surrounded by assorted space bling, are also in a state of denial. 

The golden age of space exploration is over. We've had it. Unless a Hail Mary pass arrives to solve the world's energy, environmental and political problems, the future isn't going to be the Star Trek beloved of nerds; instead it's a long decline with interlocking crises arriving in growing strength and frequency, shrinking and then buckling the world's economies. Even the United States, though the average American seems unable to comprehend it. 

It's going to be a rough future, and moon bases will be the least of anyone's priorities.


Friday, October 24, 2025

POLITICS: THE ANGRY KIWI

New Zealand has the reputation of being something of a paradise, a veritable Middle Earth at the bottom of the world. A clean, green South Pacific haven for billionaires to build end-of-the-world bolt holes, not realizing that if things go tits up (and let's be honest, if things do go south, it'll probably be because of them), they'll be stranded here with us kiwis who know where they've buried the survival bunkers. 

But I digress. Point is, trouble is brewing in the Land of the Long White Cloud.

On being elected last year, the National Party led coalition government saw the pandemic as an opportunity to go hard on the things they've always wanted to do and with ideological hobnail boots on. They've kicked the crap out of their usual victims; healthcare workers, teachers, public service workers, the poors, Maori, primarily to indulge in their favorite drug habit - tax cuts. Tax cuts that require billions more borrowing and which for most kiwis (excepting landlords who enjoyed billions in tax rebates, which frankly looks a lot like payback for millions in political donations from the property sector), have evaporated like a fart in the cost-of-living gale kiwis are experiencing daily. 

At the year's start, our hapless prime minister Chris Luxon, ex Air New Zealand CEO and follicly challenged, put it about that he was 'laser focused' on the cost of living. Unfortunately the cost of living continues to bite like a cold wind from Antarctica, aimed straight up kiwi fundaments.

Our supermarkets, owned by two Australian interests, continue to squeeze as much as they can out of us, while lobbying against any change to the status quo. Power companies are getting in on the act, making record payouts to shareholders while massively increasing the bills that everyone and their Gran have to pay if they want to stay warm and keep the lights on. The greed is even causing some business types to complain that it's impeding industry, so you know it's serious. 

NZ's a dairy producing nation that sends enough food overseas to feed four to five times our population, yet dairy products on the shelves here are priced as premium luxury products - something which our largest dairy company Fonterra even had the nerve to suggest was how we should think about a block of butter now. When called out on this, they promptly pointed the finger at supermarkets. The supermarkets pointed at the suppliers. The Finance Minister pointed somewhere off to the left so as not to cause offense and (quelle horreur!), distort the market. 'No, Sam. I can't remember the taste of butter', said Frodo on the slopes of Mount Doom

The job market is flat, hundreds often apply for a single position. In response, the government has made receiving financial assistance harder, more Kafkaesque and detrimental to the applicant's mental health. Because, you know, they're just bludgers. On being told job seekers were struggling, the PM's advice was they should 'go where the jobs are'. Unfortunately this was not long after emigration was reported to be reaching record levels. And it seems our young people (and the skilled made redundant through cuts and closures), heard Chris's sage advice and as suggested are going to where the jobs are. Which is mostly in Sydney, Australia, unfortunately.

Point of it is, it's no longer Aotearoa; Land of the Long White Cloud. Now it's the Land of the Long White Gouge and kiwis are angry.

While you're at it, check out the Angry Kiwi Protest Hoodie;







Sunday, September 14, 2025

MEMORIES: WHEN VALVE MADE GAMES

Member that? I member that. When rather than just squatting on their enormous profits like a spider at the center of a web packed with fly carcasses, they made terrific single player games that everyone wanted to play and advanced the art. 


And they had some great tunes.

Still Alive

Want You Gone




SPACE: 3I/ATLAS NEWSFLASH


New image of 3I/Atlas (source: NASA)
BREAKING NEWS: In a shock development, NASA has released new images of 3I/Atlas - the extrasolar comet currently approaching Mars. Taken with the James Webb Space Telescope, the object appears to resemble SpongeBob SquarePants character; Patrick Star. 

Scientists are baffled but prominent religious leaders have warned of a coming SpongeBob apocalypse. In response, NASA has announced a program to search for other SpongeBob characters that may be on the way. Said António Guterres, Secretary-General of the United Nations; 'if we find Squidward approaching it could be very serious indeed'. World leaders meanwhile continue to plead for calm in the face of global unrest.

Sunday, September 7, 2025

SUPERMARKETS: SUPER SNARKERY

Warning: the following contains explicit strawman abuse drizzled with copious snark. Reader caution is advised.

It's not much contested that we kiwis are being royally shafted by the supermarkets when it comes to the weekly shop. The Commerce Commission concluded not so long ago that the supermarkets were pulling in excess profit of a million dollars per day. Per. Fucking. Day. And this out of a country of just five million people.

So someone recently posted on Reddit the question of whether NZ should have state owned supermarkets. I don't know either way myself, but of course this triggered some of the more staunch supporters of capitalism, the free market and by extension, the status quo. One fellow in particular replied;

Supermarkets are a low margin business. There is no supermarket fatcat tycoon getting insanely rich off you idiots. If you think there is then I have a bridge to sell you.

Supermarket prices go up because they are passing on the higher cost to them of food, wages, power, water, so on and so forth.

This frankly, ticked me off. A quick look at the fellow's postings and his comments about first class air travel, his BMW and photos of the expensive watch he'd treated himself, indicated he was doing quite well, thank you very much. Good for him. But a lot of kiwis aren't and the cost of food is a major component of their struggle.

So I went super snark mode and replied;

I wholeheartedly agree. These damned peasants always complaining about the price of food and whatnot.

Why, just last year the Commerce Commission reported the supermarkets were making excess profit of one million a day. Well, I was discussing this in the lounge while waiting for my flight back to the States. First class of course, there has to be benefits to being 'wealthy and sorted'. And good on Christopher for coming up with that belter. Lovely fellow, totally misunderstood. Anyway, we all agreed it was absolute nonsense - particularly the Foodstuffs exec who happened to be on my flight. He fair waxed lyrical about the unfairness of it all.

I mean everyone knows the supermarkets are just passing on costs. Oh they may play a little hard ball with their suppliers and prices are higher than the OECD average, but that's just business. I'd even go so far as to say they're struggling. Damned impudence to even complain, really.

Anyway, must fly - the wife's asking what I'd like for dinner; the smoked salmon or venison steaks. Life is full of such difficult decisions it seems. Toodleloo!

To which guy replied;

Please let us all know who the supermarket tycoon ala Nick Mowbray is. Oh you can't? Thought not.

Just because a bunch of Americans in New York are morons doesn't mean New Zealanders need to be. 

I assume the mention of New York is around Zohran Mamdani, the Democratic candidate for mayor of New York City, who has also said similar things about supermarkets and scared the local fat cats. It triggered the fat fuck below enough that he appeared on Fox News, warning of the apocalypse if democracy didn't give him the result he wanted.

Gristedes grocery chain CEO John Catsimatidis. 

Nick Mowbray meanwhile, is an NZ businessman who (along with his brother), made a fortune selling toys in China. Not sure what that has to do with supermarkets ripping us off. Anyway, I replied;

Yes - dashed rum business in New York. Man's practically a foreigner, if not an actual communist. Sort of fellow you'd cross the road to avoid. Hopefully common sense will prevail and he'll be sent packing. Can't allow that sort of thing to spread, you know?

As to your point about that fine fellow Nick Mowbray, I couldn't agree more! It's not like owning a supermarket gets you on the rich list nowadays. Times are tough! You have to have a side gig. I know one chap who owns a PaknSave and a stud farm, and he's still only a millionaire. Practically on the bones of his arse.

But you know the chattering classes. Always complaining about something. Well let them eat cake, I say.

Just between you and me though, having a duopoly really has been key in sorting out NZ as a nice little earner, even if the place is only the size of an Aussie postage stamp. Well done to all involved, lobbyists and politicians alike. Long may it continue! Raise prices even higher if the proles start to squeal. That'll teach the rotters!

Anyway, all this talk of cake has made me peckish and I believe the wife has a nice gateau hidden somewhere. I'm off to sniff out a slice. Toodlepip!

Guy was not impressed and accused me of using AI to whip up my batches of spicy snark. The nerve!

ChatGPT?

Didn't get a look in, old chum. Not an inch of it. This is homegrown snark - country snark, if you will - cultivated in the rich fertilizer of your original comment. Collected fresh, it has been cleaned, lightly sautéed and artfully arranged on a fine china plate, ready to be enjoyed with a sprig of parsley and a tasty glass of Riesling.

But all this talk of manure has reminded me; I'm almost out of truffles! Must fire up the trusty BMW and go restock. 

Toodlepip and tallyho!



Tuesday, May 20, 2025

THIS POD LIFE: BOTHIE MADNESS!

A bothie is a shelter in a remote location in Scotland and Northern England that's unlocked and free to use for hikers to take a rest or even stay the night. Typically called tramping huts elsewhere, bothies are often old repurposed workers cottages, usually unfurnished except perhaps for sleeping benches, a fireplace and if you're lucky, a wood stove. If you're extra lucky the toilet's an outside dunny, but more likely behind that tree over there (make sure it's a good distance away though).

As they are open to the public you can never be sure someone else might not turn up if you're staying in one. But as bothies are out in the wilds, far from cities and typically only accessible by foot, odds are it'll not be an escaped prisoner convicted of multiple counts of murder, but another tramper. 

I've not been in one, but I've been watching videos of people staying the night at a bothie, and so I thought I'd try my hand at a bothie design.

Snug as a Bug in a Bothie Mug

Snug as a Bug in a Bothie Tee (Amazon)


Friday, March 28, 2025

SCHOOL LUNCHES: CHRIS & GORDON, KITCHEN DRAMA!!

 

In which Gordon Ramsey is slightly nonplussed over the quality of school lunches being served to kiwi kids. 


Sunday, September 10, 2023

ECONOMIC BUBBLEGUM: RANT

But chaps, I have cake waiting for me back at the palace!

Remember when it was possible to live and raise a family on one income? It was true for most of the 20th century, and it was recognized as part of a functioning society.

Then we got the 'greed is good' decade and politicians in collusion with the big end of town, bent over backwards to transfer obscene amounts of wealth to the already wealthy. This was in addition to the enormous gains in worker productivity starting in the seventies, that also 'mysteriously' failed to benefit workers and instead saw them working longer hours for less. 

But it's ok though, because the economists, those dismal technocrats, explained that the wealth was going to start 'trickling down'. Remember that shit? And shit it was, because you certainly don't hear that now, now that it's served its purpose. It's also obvious that the uber-wealthy are wearing the financial equivalent of Adult Depends when it comes to trickling down their wealth or even paying their fair share of taxes - another something those esteemed experts in the ways of the economy apparently failed to foresee. Or perhaps they did.

So it's been year after year of austerity for the poor and middle classes, services cut or deliberately underfunded with a view to stealth privatization, and the repeated message that we all need to 'tighten our belts'. Meanwhile the corporates and political elites are celebrating record profits and deploying well-paid mouthpieces in the media to defend and normalize the situation.

To be sure recent crises have had their impact of course, but like receding waters they have served to expose economic and political underpinnings perhaps hard to discern previously. And these foundations look rotten and in need of replacement.








Friday, July 14, 2023

ANOTHER KIWI WORLD FIRST

Reuters - In a world first, New Zealand supermarkets are allowing shoppers to offset their grocery costs by giving blood at the checkout. In conjunction with the NZ Blood Service, shoppers can now pay for groceries via checkout machines that accept not only cash and eftpos transactions, but can extract up to a litre of blood as well.


Foodstuffs NZ spokesperson, Ralph Bleedemdry said that the new service was both fast and safe; 'all our blood enabled checkout operators have received the relevant medical training. Shoppers are quite safe and many say they don't even feel it'. In response to reports of shoppers appearing pale and shaking after payment, Bleedemdry pointed out that this was quite normal even before the new service had been rolled out.


Supermarkets to offer a new payment option at the checkout


Asked if this might lead to two tiers of shoppers with the prospect of greater price rises for non-blood donating shoppers, Bleedemdry rejected the premise saying that the extraction of blood was purely discretionary. 'We don't want to force anyone to give blood - that would be inhumane. But we will be offering higher discounts to loyal long-term donators with the prospect of becoming a VIB'.


In addition to blood, Woolworths NZ are reportedly considering the donation of small samples of flesh at the checkout, for use in scientific research. Quantities up to 0.45kg, or one pound in weight, would be accepted. Spokesperson Margery Blodfromstone refused to comment however, shouting 'they know!', before slamming the phone down on our reporter. 








Monday, November 21, 2022

RELIGION: MY TAKE ON BIG J

Given I live in a society ostensibly based on Judeo-Christian values, I found myself putting a bit of time in to try and get a handle on the historical events behind the accepted narrative that has come down to us. And wow, is it a ball of wax. I can see now why academics can spend their entire professional lives on this topic.

Having said that, I've constructed what I think may have happened, at least to my personal satisfaction. Fair warning, it won't please traditional Christians but then, everyone has their own Jesus. This is mine;

My take (as a non-scholar), is that there likely was a historical person; a peasant rabbi proclaiming an imminent world changing event. This kind of guy (and it's almost always a guy for some reason), still pops up ever so often today, usually when they've led their followers into trouble and the Daily Mail has taken an interest. It seems to be a facet of human behavior and not one that began exclusively with Jesus (although I haven't heard of similar in Islam? Possibly because they're a bit more unforgiving about that sort of thing?)

So Jesus proclaimed a soon-to-arrive apocalypse after which a Kingdom Of God would be established in Judea. The mighty would be brought low, the Romans would be swept away and Jesus's followers would be God's favored people. It would be a new world and one that was likely very attractive to the poor who rather than receiving a say in how their taxes were applied, were more likely to get a nasty punch in the mouth from the elites of their time.

But it didn't happen; the problem with religious apocalyptic prophesy is that it's inherently unreliable. At this point the leader either has to go on a tear and institute a purge of anyone questioning their predictions (which doesn't solve the core issue), or find the next big thing with which to distract the doubters. And this may be why Jesus took his little roadshow to Jerusalem. It wasn't the promised apocalypse per se, but it was an opportunity to gain new followers and show his apostles that progress was being made. To Jesus's way of thinking, it might even be the event that triggered the apocalypse.  

So, in an attempt to 'go viral', Jesus made an entrance in the style of the expected Jewish messiah. Then he pulled a stunt up at the Temple designed to gain public interest and some sympathy. Unfortunately, it also ticked off the wrong people. Perhaps he was already known in Jerusalem as a troublemaker and heretic, perhaps it was just that with the city packed with pilgrims, the Jewish leadership was in strong accord with the Romans in wanting to avoid unrest. Regardless, Jesus was promptly arrested, questioned in something a quick 'trial', if it could have been called that, and handed over to the Governor.

Now there may have been a public reading of the charges, but given what we know of Pilate, he probably didn't give the affair much thought. It was just before Passover, the city was packed and Pilate likely had other things on his mind, such as everyone going home and reporting Jerusalem was peaceful and well run and that they should continue to pay their taxes. Then Pilate could go back to his wine and grapes villa lifestyle up the coast at Caesarea. It's also highly unlikely he had a private chat with Jesus, a chat that we somehow know the contents of. Or that he offered to pardon Jesus if the crowd so wished. Instead Pilate condemned Jesus to death, as had happened in one way or the other to all the previous would-be messiahs the Romans had dealt with. And I doubt Pilate gave it much thought after that.

But it was a catastrophe for the apostles. Afraid of being arrested and also crucified, they holed up somewhere in Jerusalem or possibly Galilee, and at least one of them (possibly Peter), realized that unless a way forward could be found, it would be the end of the movement.

And so with fasting, lack of sleep and heavy grieving, this small band of oddballs (and I say that advisedly because they were so even for the time), worked themselves into an emotional catharsis. At some stage (but possibly even a while later), the idea was arrived at that Jesus hadn't died, that he had been saved from spiritual destruction by God and he was now at God's side.  

Yet Jesus's promises had to be fulfilled. And so it followed he surely must be returning soon to address the situation and assuage his follower's deep despair? Given this, it was their duty then to hold true and be faithful to his divinity, though it was in a new form. A classic rationalization when a cult is confronted with unyielding reality which in this case, was the death of their leader and the failure of his prophecy.

They probably lost some members. It's interesting that the church is somewhat hazy on what happened to the bulk of the apostles apart from lurid legends of execution, often arising much later. Likely a number returned to their old lives and disappeared from history. After all, if you didn't believe, you wouldn't be in the group for very long. But enough stayed such that the sect survived. Each individual's acceptance of this new concept of Jesus being mythologized decades later by the gospels as appearances of Jesus to them in the flesh (although some doubted because wouldn't you?).

So the resurrection was spiritual in nature to begin with, not corporeal. But in the following decades, the story changed. Because stories change over time in the retelling and a physical resurrection was less abstract and easier to comprehend. The religion was moving into the cosmopolitan Roman population, actively trying to distance itself from it's Jewish origins and coming into contact with established gods and legends. There were existing tales of resurrection that the Jesus story needed to compete with - a world in which a physical rising would be more accepted and understood.

When it came to the gospel of Mark (the earliest gospel we know of), the author had a problem though; in writing a corporeal resurrection narrative for Jesus, what had happened to the body had to be addressed. Likely the corpse had been unceremoniously disposed of by the Romans, as was usual it seems. But in following through with this, the gospel of Mark would have seen Jesus potentially rising from the charnel pit; a very unclean spot and possibly a rich source of pagan criticism. Hence the invention of the empty tomb narrative and that suspiciously convenient benefactor; Joseph of Arimathea.

Oddly, the author of Mark didn't finish his narrative. Perhaps he ran out of creative puff, ran out of papyrus or was an old man who knew his time was short. We'll never know. It may have been that he realized that to continue would see him venturing far beyond any existing tale he knew of and he got cold feet. It's interesting that he breaks off at an inflection point where to go forward he would have had to address what happened after. I posit that the stories from which the author worked, likely gave a good amount of detail about Jesus's exploits whilst he was alive, but were vague and quite brief about the resurrection - being as it was originally a spiritual concept. 

But regardless, the author of Matthew had no such qualms; he had dead saints rise from their tombs and walk around Jerusalem during the crucifixion. And the resurrected Jesus hangs around for forty days, eating fish and doing all sorts of things.

What were those things? We don't really know, even though it might be expected that in reality everything a messiah did or said after being miraculously brought back from the dead would be hugely important. Wouldn't it at least be worthy of its own volume? Instead the gospels wave it away and move to wrap it all up with Jesus returning to heaven. Because what Jesus did when he returned is only secondary to the climax of the story, the death and resurrection. And it is a story, not history.

So with these texts agreed upon as dogma, the early church purged alternative accounts and we end up where we are today; debates about the historical Jesus being heavily dependent on a small set of church approved texts and letters, that are deeply embedded in western history and culture. As such, biblical apologists enjoy a home town advantage every time.


Sunday, July 31, 2022

SHAMELESS PRODUCT PLUG: BUCKET HATS FOR THE CRICKET WIN

So it seems a bit premature to be talking about the summer cricket season when New Zealand has just been lashed with rain, flooding and can expect a cold night afterwards. But anyway, it's August now, it'll be December in the twinkle of a baby kissing politician's eye and we'll be complaining about the heat and lousy bowling soon enough.

With that in mind, check out Madjack Tee's range of kiwi bucket hats. Perfect for reducing the sunstroke incidence amongst the crowd during a three day test, and you'll look fantastic too.

Get in early for summer!

Madjack's hats




Wednesday, March 30, 2022

THIS POD LIFE: THANKS A LOT PUTIN

Here's how March 2022 POD sales have so far compared to previous years.


Previously the first week of March typically saw a dip, but rebounded as the month went on. Not this year so far. Indeed sales are down to 2020 levels, and given I only began POD in late 2019, this is a bit of a shocker.


Is this the new normal? And by that I mean every March something new and terrible comes down the turnpike.

Of course things could be worse; NZ could be under Russian invasion. That would be a downer. 

Tuesday, February 8, 2022

NEW ZEALAND: SO THAT HAPPENED

 

When you show your retired Grandad how Facebook works and this is the situation six months later.



Tuesday, February 1, 2022

THIS POD LIFE: YOUR VERY OWN MAGIC CARPET

As seen on Facebook.

This has to be the peak? 

Surely there can be no way forwards now (but down), in the 'you too can make millions of dollars online if you just buy my book about how to catch flies with your mouth open!'

Print on demand is now infested with this sort of stuff. 

Avoid the magic carpet sellers.






Wednesday, January 12, 2022

THIS POD LIFE: THANK YOU KAREN

Not all Karens are to be shunned, it seems. A recent review left on my Zazzle store:

New Zealand Kia Ora Paua clock




Monday, July 12, 2021

SHAMELESS PRODUCT PLUG: NEW ZEALAND PAUA MAP TEE

Have you been to New Zealand, are from New Zealand, or just fancy the idea of walking around with a map of New Zealand across your chest? 

Well now you can! These tees have an NZ map complete with place names - so strangers and relatives can poke you in the nipple and say 'oh we went to Gisborne five years ago!' 

Also available on all sorts of other things. 
Check it out by clicking the link after the pic;

Tuesday, June 1, 2021

THIS POD LIFE: THIS YEAR, NOT THE SAME AS LAST YEAR

Here's a chart overlaying my 2021 PoD sales (blue), with the same period in 2020 (red). As you can see, much more volatile this year and I had hoped to be doing better by this time in the year. However it's after a year of lockdowns and people are no doubt still dealing from the economic fallout. Also people are buying a lot less masks all around, which was (perhaps regrettably), a nice boost for online sellers over the last year. All up, this is going to be a tough year for PoD, I think.

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

COVID 19: DO YOUR RESERCH MORANS!!!

The popular but unreliable FaceBook Journal of On-The-Bog Scientific Research.

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

COVID-19: INDIA

It pains me to write this, but it seems Covid-19 is exploding in India.

They did well early on, but new cases are now reaching up to 200,000 a day and the rate of daily cases is sharply increasing. 

The country has exceeded Brazil for total cases, and while the US is still number one at 31 million, India is at 14 million cases and may overtake the US in the coming months.

This is not good, and will such a large viral reservoir encourage further variants to arise?

I foresee two paths; one is that India manages to wrestle this into some sort of (mostly) manageable situation - a possibility that seems unlikely given that at time of writing only 1% of the population has been fully inoculated and it is accepted that 70% is needed if herd immunity is to be achieved.

The other is that India becomes a truly awful spectacle and one that the world has to take note of and cannot turn its back on. 

Regardless, the developing situation in India is something to keep an eye on in the coming months.





Tuesday, March 16, 2021

THIS POD LIFE: DMCA TAKEDOWN EDITION

Well, it finally happened.
Woke up to a DMCA takedown issued by Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc; 'against this design of yours on TeePublic: LUDWIG VAN BAT-HOVEN no title variation'
Good night sweet prince; you were like a trusty lighthouse watching over me whenever I visited the TeePublic harbor - standing firm all these years against the encircling forces of corporate darkness, piercing the night with your light (even though you sold exactly no copies ever).
Your cruel extinguishment will be keenly felt old friend.
Rest now. <sniff>



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